Toxic Friendships

Posted by trdwll on Sept. 25, 2017, 8:30 a.m.

Over the past few years I've been friends with someone (lets call them Mike) and we've had our ups and downs as do most relationships. While our friendship was good and strong it started going down hill over time, I'm not sure if it's my fault or Mikes, but it happened. I've stopped talking to Mike on several occasions through out the years and even a couple close friends of mine (lets call them Kyle and Steve) have asked me "Why do you still talk to Mike, Russ?" and the answer is I'm not sure. I guess I value friendship a lot, but I don't know.

Backstory

(This isn't an entire backstory of every situation that has happened between us.)

Event 1

About 3 months ago I was going to start a new project (lets call it Project X) with Mike and I quickly noticed that they were busy elsewhere or at the very least not as dedicated as I was. (It seemed that way) I just ignored it, continued on other projects, and I was working my paid job so I wasn't around 24/7. Fast forward ~2 months and I get a text from Mike asking me if I was going to work on Project X. I responded and said "I don't want to work on projects with people that aren't as serious about them as I am.", I guess he took it the wrong way and started flipping out; which then we kinda went our ways again and haven't spoke since...

I recently started talking to Mike again, because a friend of mine (lets call them Randy) invited me to the group chat. Everything was fine for 3 days and then today as I'm writing this we're no longer speaking. The story is we were playing a game and I was trolling, Mike then got really bad and banned me from his Discord server so I decided that I can't be friends with him any longer. Tell me I'm overreacting or that I'm a turd for trolling and starting todays events, all I know is even if I started todays events I didn't start our history by myself and I can't be the only person at fault for it.

Event 2

I'd say this incident was in November 2015. Mike, Randy and I were in a Skype call, I only joined since I was waiting on a friend to get online. (I made this a point when I initially joined the call that I was going to leave soon since I was waiting no a friend.) We spoke for an hour and my friend had came online so I was leaving the call. I then said "I'm out, I have better shit to do." and that set Mike off. He private messaged me "that was arrogant as fuck", which looking back now yeah it kinda was; but they knew I had to go. Then again, we were just talking about whatever (usually nonsense) so I wouldn't really say it was arrogant. I don't have the chat log like I do for the recent event so I can't share anything other than the couple things that I do remember.

This event ended up causing Randy and I to stop speaking for ~2 months due to other messages about this event between Randy and I.

More...

All I know is our history is more bad than good and it's not good for Mike or I to continue being friends. So Randy is friends with Mike and everytime we part our ways Randy trys to talk me out of it etc. For instance, todays events chat between Randy and I:

[3:00 AM] ME: He and I have never got along.
[3:00 AM] RANDY: k
[3:00 AM] ME: k
[3:01 AM] ME: Don't invite me around him anymore.
[3:01 AM] RANDY: why
[3:01 AM] ME: Too toxic for me.
[3:01 AM] RANDY: k
[3:01 AM] ME: k
[3:09 AM] ME: Send this to him if he wants a backup of his site.
[3:09 AM] ME: [MIKE'S SITE BACKUP LINK]
[3:09 AM] RANDY: don't be a fgt
[3:23 AM] RANDY: u weren't even banned
[3:23 AM] RANDY: [DISCORD LINK REDACTED]
[3:24 AM] ME: [3:01 AM] ME: Don't invite me around him anymore.
[3:24 AM] RANDY: why are you being a dick?
[3:24 AM] ME: I don't want to be friends with him anymore.
[3:24 AM] ME: How much more clear can I get?

While I've cut out the boring bits, this pretty much sums it up. Apparently I wasn't even banned from the Discord server so that still makes it all ok? Again, whether I overreacted or not Mike and I aren't compatiable as our friendship was/is very toxic.

My time being friends with Mike he has made me feel worthless and that I'm not smart. I'm not sure if this is the location in him talking or if he's really like this to everyone. (A friend of a friend said they have a friend from location also and they're exactly the same as I've described Mike.) Even Kyle and Steve see how Mike is so I'm not the only one. Just to give you an example, Mike is the kind of person that says "I'm certified in XXX and I know what I'm talking about." and rubs it in your face to make you feel less than them.

Moving on

If I'd have to guess I'd say this is the 5th or 6th time I've stopped talking to Mike. Everytime we stop speaking I say the samething "I'm done this time." and I end up speaking with Mike again months later. I truly think this time I'm going to follow the advice my friends Kyle and Steve have given me time after time.

I wouldn't really take my advice on things like this, but my advice is stop being friends with toxic people. (easier said than done lol)

Until next time